Bad Christmas records: the winner!

Flickr: istolethetv

First, many thanks to all who entered the competition to decide the worst Christmas record ever. It was a bit of fun and we had some unexpected nominees – Jonah Lewie and Mike Oldfield are OK in my book. So they didn’t get through.

I also decided stuff that was deliberately cheesy or a gimmick was disqualified. So whereas Dennis Waterman and George Cole did a pretty rough job on their Christmas effort, it was never supposed to be a “good” record so for our purposes here it doesn’t count. Sorry Ben, but thanks for nominating.

Likewise the Frog Song – I’m a McCartney fan (mostly when he was writing and performing in That Group He Was In) and he can write better but this was supposed to be a kids’ song in a Rupert The Bear film. It probably works OK on that level. I’m not a great Cliff Richard fan but tend not to bother fast forwarding when it comes up on a Christmas compilation. Speaking of older generation musicians I was surprised nobody nominated Bob Dylan’s “Must be Santa” from last year or whenever it was – sounding just like a grumbly old drunk in a pub you should never have gone into.

For me the first nomination was always a front runner. “Have a Cheeky Christmas” by the Cheeky Girls is, on all of the criteria I can think of, a pretty damned awful song. First it’s badly written and rushed out for a Christmas release. Second, the singing is truly insipid. But third and most important, the Cheeky Girls were at one stage trying to be real pop singers – an actual girl band. I’m guessing this was intended as a proper attempt at a real Christmas record, to milk royalties from compilations down the years – and it’s just teeth-itchingly awful.

So, Brittz Box, who nominated the song, is the winner and will receive a copy of “Thoroughly Decent Manners for Men” by Debrett’s and Wadworth immediately he emails me an address at In other news I’m pleased to say the people at Pitrok were generous enough with their prizes so I can send everyone who nominated a deodorant worth nearly six quid. Send an address to the same email address and I’ll see to it.

Thanks again – it’s been fun!

P. S. The bloke in the picture was on a charity run and I feel a bit mean using his photo to illustrate a piece on bad Christmas stuff – but Santa in Speedos with a drawn-on six pack is just so wrong..!


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